Home » 2015 » January

Basil Chives says “Did you know that …..?”

Basil Chives says “Did you know that …..?”

…….in 1796 a team of one-legged cricketers beat a team of one-armed cricketers by 103 runs at Greenwich?…

Military lover

Military lover

Dear Auntie Loretta, My fiance is a soldier and whenever we make love, he asks me to hold his gun, which I feel uncomfortable about.  How can I get him…

Green with Envy

Green with Envy

Dear Auntie Loretta, I am so envious of you : wise, witty, attractive, busty and blonde. What would it take to be like you? Miss Ursula Unfilled of Uxbridge. Auntie…

Untidy suitor

Untidy suitor

Dear Auntie Loretta, Every time I turn up for a date, my boyfriend is very poorly shaven. What do you think I should do? From Anxious Anita. Auntie Loretta replies…

Pompous Father-in-Law

Pompous Father-in-Law

Dear Loretta, Whenever my Father-in-law comes round for lunch or drinks, he insists on peppering his conversation with latin. What should I do? Non-University Graduate, Storrington Auntie Loretta replies :…

Abel Batchelor – (Very) Odd Job Man

Abel Batchelor – currently unemployed – holds the Stonking records for most jobs and most resignations; he is yet to find employment that suits either his temperament or his flexible…

The Korgis – First Ever Live Show!

The Korgis – First Ever Live Show!

The reformed Korgis will be appearing at  the Windlesham Theatre on 7 February 2015. Despite achieving international hits with their two singles ‘If I Had You’ and ‘Everybody’s Got To…

Mysterious Goings-On

Mysterious Goings-On

The villagers of Stonking have been gripped by an outbreak of unusual occurrences which have caused neighbour to view neighbour with suspicion and Arctic rifts to appear amongst elements of…

A Fishy Business

A Fishy Business

A drunken husband battered his wife around the head with an 8 lb. pike – because he thought she had hidden his beer. Stonking resident Paul Ramone appeared before local…