Bar staff required for Stonking’s best public house, the Rancid Polecat. Previous experience not essential, but must be numerate, continent, fragrant and not given to emitting gaseous grunts in public. Good wages and free pickled egg per session worked. Must not be afraid of hard work or country and western music. Apply – Doris Selwyn on 0124 7843311 or in person at the public house. Sorry – no one-armed individuals need apply.