Primary School Panned For Removing Loo Roll From Kids’ Toilets

Parents are flushed with anger over a primary school’s decision to remove loo roll from the children’s toilets. Pupils at Stonking Village School now have to put their hands up and request toilet tissue to take with them.

One boy was allegedly reduced to tears after his teacher asked if he was “going for a poo or wee” before counting off a number of sheets for him, whilst another was so ashamed to ask for any paper that he shoved his crayon case into his shorts and used that as a receptacle. Which was fine until it was time for his Art class.

The new rule was brought in after the toilets were repeatedly flooded. The school caretaker has blamed the incidents on toilet paper being stuffed down the lavatory pan by mischievous pupils. But it’s not just the pupils who are unhappy at the new regulation. One of the teachers has been nicknamed Kimberly Clark “ as in the toliet roll dispenser”.

Anita Tush, chairman of the parents’ committee, branded the new rule “ridiculous” and said children were being humiliated in front of their friends. “One boy resorted to using the first ten pages of ‘Guess How Much I Love You?’ to wipe his bottom whilst another resorted to using the head’s Exotic Shorthair cat Sibelius which happened to have slipped under the door to his cubicle : it didn’t look quite so exotic when it came out, I can assure you!”

We asked one of the villagers for a view :

Rab Selwyn, landlord of the Rancid Polecat : “ ‘Guess How Much I Love you?’, eh? About all it’s good for, if you ask me.”

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